Fico gave me some good tips for dieting also. I'm hoping once I get my paycheck I'll be heading to Whole Foods to buy some stuff. It's going to be hard but if I want this I need to make sacrifices. I can eat bad food later on but for now I need to really buckle down and make changes. I'm not going to change by eating Taco Bell and pizza. I've been drawing a lot more since I started this blog and I love it. I remember why I like to draw again.
When I was starting out in the Art Institute I used to sit all day with a sketch book, drawing whatever came into my mind. That was before the portfolio turned me into this cold robotic animation factory. I never felt like I had an emotional connection to anything I drew during that class. I started off with good ideas and then was just forced to perform week in week out. I would come up with ideas in a few minutes and begin animating just to meet the strict deadlines. My entire demo reel is something I'll use as an example.
I usually get a good reaction from other peop;e when they see it, but when I watch it, I only see myself completely out of ideas scraping whatever I could together to show Gullo and Wetzel so they could rip me apart and send me on my way. I know it's harsh but I really don't like my demo reel. I think it's a good piece of work but it has very little personality and feels like a chore to watch. I worked so hard on it but it all feels like a waste. It just looks like I kind of sold myself out to me. I made it more so Gullo and Wetzel would get the hell off my back and let me pass. I pumped out each cartoon in as little time as possible so I wouldn't have to listen to their constant stream of negative bullshit. I honestly get so furious whenever I think of being in that class that it makes me almost feel sick. The emotional trauma they caused so many of my friends. Some of the friends I have even hate animating because of those two. They did very little to even teach. The class was seriously wait nervously until you're called up Bring work you busted your damn ass on for a week straight up to show them. Then sit and try to swallow your pride as they begin to give their "Critique." I once lost an entire grade because they didn't like the color. Why should the color matter? They're supposed to give criticism of where you could improve but they would often take their personal preference as grading criteria. They made me forget why I wanted to draw, and they made me afraid to draw and do what I love. I will never let someone like them ruin my spirit again. Never.
I've begun to play kind of drawing games to keep myself going. I draw anything that comes to mind, even if it doesn't make any sense. I think you should all give it a try. Just start drawing but don't worry about the construction or anything, and limit yourself to finishing in about 2 minutes or however long you want. It's like improv drawing, in fact I'm sure this is probably already a real exercise, but I discovered it for myself recently. I drew some cool stuff with it that I'll post when I can get to a scanner. Tonight no art but I needed to get some stuff off my chest about my insecurities in my art. Thanks readers and thanks Jess for your awesome words, and thanks to Kameele and everyone who was inspired by this to make their own blogs. I'm glad one of my goals is getting done even if it's only a little at first. Thanks for reading and I'll see you all tomorrow!
-Kieran
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