Kieran 2.0 and such

Okay, again I have not been blogging. I was waiting for the right time to blog however because there have been a lot of changes in what's going on with me. First off a couple weeks ago I found out that my kiosk was going to be closing down. We would all be put down to 1 or 2 shifts every week and I couldn't afford it. I pay so much in transportation that going in every day would pretty much cost me money to work.

My manager has decided to lay me off after next Saturday. This helps because I can get unemployment, but I'll also be unemployed...duh. But still it's pretty big. Also, this Summer, I will be attending the Academy of Art!!! This is awesome because I won't have to pay my loans for a while and I can focus on my work. I'm not going 3-D like I thought originally though, I'm heading for web. I decided to take Gullo's advice of learning web since that's what she always told us. I'm hoping this will help me find an actually good job.

I gotta jump in the shower for work right now, but I'll talk more later. By all.

-Kieran

Blog of the mornin' to you.

Well I wanted to blog this now while my feelings and thoughts are still fresh. I'm just waking up for work right now in yet another week where I question myself every morning as to how I messed up so bad that I'm such an undesirable worker. I'm trying not to be to negative but I can't help it anymore. I feel like I'm trapped in a shitty dream. I wake up almost everyday fighting the urge to cry at how unhappy I am with the way things are going. I'm not going to do anything crazy, I just feel so unfulfilled. I went to school for 4 years for what seems like nothing. I'm working a job I could have had way before I went to the art institute and I have nowhere else to go to. I need the money and I can't afford to lose the job that's causing me to hate myself.

every day I wake up to go to that fucking mall is a day that I failed yet again. I have so much work to do and not nearly enough time to do it and it's my fault. I wonder if I'll ever get to leave my job or if it'll just fall down around me leaving me unemployed. I'm sorry I just needed to vent. I need a new job because this one isn't even close to cutting it. My last paycheck was so little that it isn't even enough to cover my private loan bill. I'm fucked and this job is draining me. I'm there so much but I'm barely working there. My commute adds an extra 4 hours to my day since it's almost 2 hours each way. I feel like I'm constantly traveling or at that kiosk. I need help, I don't know what to do anymore and I've lost faith in myself. I'm not confident anymore, in my work or in myself. I just want to be happy with myself, I want to pay bills without everyones help. I mean what the fuck did I go to college for?

I'm sorry about this negative early blog but I needed to get somethings off my chest. It's 7:55 and I'm behind schedule. Later everyone.

-Kieran

Screenshot of upcoming animation so it's not such a depressing blog.

Blog of the mornin' to you.

Finally a new blog

Okay it's been a long time since I blogged. March was a very rough month for me mainly at work and things were beginning to get to me. I got a little lazy and pretty much didn't do shit for a couple weeks. I went off my diet and exercise routine a lot and I was pretty much a ghost for a month. I'm sorry to everyone for not making it to hang out but I haven't been able to really go anywhere as of late.

My job has been going through a lot of weird transitions lately and throughout it all I've been very nervous. A lot of buzz has been going around about lay offs and stuff like that and my hours have been cut so much that I barely get 20 hours a week sometimes. My bills are way too much for my paychecks and I've been really struggling to make it this month. I was told that I was safe and that my kiosk was safe by upper management, in person. However two days ago I found out that in about a month I may be unemployed if I don't get out. This week 60 kiosks closed down and in a month several more will be joining them including my kiosk. The problem is my company doesn't fire people, it just schedules them less and less until they quit. It's ridiculous and I may be a victim of it soon. My kiosk will be closing around April 25th and I will be moved to the other kiosk in the Plaza. The manager has a mandatory 40 hours leaving 43 hours for the other 6 workers there which mean maybe one or two shifts every two weeks.

I'm pretty freaked out because my loans kick in in April and I haven't found anything yet. I'm going back to school hopefully in June, but I still have to pay for April and May. I've been tightening my portfolio and applying to new jobs in my off time but nothing has come up. I'm getting so sick of this uncertainty and being kept in the dark but he higher ups about my job. This job is shit but it's all I have right now and the people in corporate really could care less. I can't stand half of them because some of them have actually been with the company less time than I have, none of them listen to us and they go behind everybody's back.

I just wanted to let everyone know why I was kinda a dick this month, I had a lot on my mind and was kinda freaking out all month. I'm trying to make a visit schedule once school starts back up. One of my favorite parts of school...refund checks.

-Kieran

New art is gonna be up tonight in a different entry because it's not scanned yet. Later peeps!