Thursday, February 24, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Day X

I'm trying everything in my power to prolong tomorrow from happening and all that I'm doing is making sure I'm good and tired when it comes. I find myself waking up everyday on the verge of tears at where my life is and with no idea how to change it. I feel completely unsatisfied with almost everything in my life and I find myself becoming this cynical angry person that I don't know or like. I hate people I've never met and I automatically assume everyone I encounter whether it be at work, on the street or on Septa, hates me or is going to attack me at some point. It may be paranoid but after the last 5 months riding that fucking bus and train day in day out with little sleep in between and encountering the scum I do on a daily basis you'd be paranoid too. I haven't changed shit and I've fallen behind on my workouts. I haven't even been blogging everyday like I said. I'm so fucking lazy that I can't sit on my ass and write something for a half an hour.

I'm not doing enough, I'm not working on what matters enough. I bust my fucking ass at this shit job and I neglect what I went to school for. I hope to god that going back to school works out but I have little choice because it's either go back to school or default my loans. I get about 800 a month at my job which isn't even enough to pay everything and buy food, but according to RosettaStone corporate I can afford my bills and the software with he payment plan. At least that's the bullshit line they fed me when I told them I agreed with pretty much any rational thinking person who came by the kiosk. I guess nobody told them there's a recession or something.

I'm not going to do anything crazy, I've just been in a funk lately. This routine is driving me insane and I really need a change. I can't stay at RS much longer. I'm sick of saying that I "may not be there much longer" only for each month to pass and still be there.I know it's a job and some people don't even have that, but it doesn't mean I have to be satisfied with it. I am thankful I have some money coming in even if it isn't enough, but I'm not meant to be here. I need to do more.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Long Time no Blog

Seriously, I'm slipping. Honestly I just kinda don't think it's necessary to blog every day. I try but often times I have nothing to say. I've been thinking and I want to blog about important things rather than anything that just comes up. I have a little rant tonight and then just some other stuff so it won't all be negative. Here it goes.

So I went in to work today and was surprised by a double shift. My manager scheduled a guy who quit to work today so I got fucked on the schedule and had to work until close. I got a new manager recently so I'm not so angry with him honestly it's just the fact that this is a recurring thing. I can't really remember any times where I got out of work on time during a day shift. Someone either calls out or comes late or something but it always seems to happen on my shift and this time was enough. I was so angry that yet again I was screwed into an extra shift that I was about to just quit right there. I can't be there much longer or seriously I may start freaking out.

I have a semi new plan. I've been thinking about going back to school and getting my masters. This time though I'm going for...3D!!! I'm not jumping ship, honest! I just don't think there's anything I can learn about Flash/2D that can be taught in a class room. I need experience to learn the rest so I figured I'd go for something I don't know and try to master another craft. I'm going to be filling out my fafsa this week and hopefully back in school in June. I feel that this is the best possible plan for me right now because there's so much I can learn that I haven't already. Well that's all I got tonight. I'll blog again soon. Good night all.


Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Billy 2.Crow: Cawn Billeh

So it's been a few days since blogging but I'm back and I had a pretty good weekend. This project I'm part of is really seeming like it's gonna go somewhere soon which is good and things have a different feel about them recently. I have some worries, but nothing I don't think I can get passed. Top on my priorities right now is getting back in shape! I've been a pudge-master for a little too long and I don't want to worry this Summer. I'm gonna work out in a bit once my dinner digests a bit and this week I'm starting on my diet because I can finally get to food shopping. It's been hard the last couple weeks to find time to go shopping mainly because I haven't been home for the last couple weekends.

My diet was given to me bah Fico and it's pretty extreme. Pretty much I have to eat breakfast, but it's only a handful of mixed nuts and fruit. I'm excited to start the diet and hopefully will get in to the shape I want. I'm also starting to play Tennis again so that's cool too. I messed up my left heel the other night though playing. There was a shizton of sticks on the court and I landed on one while running and my heel's been bothering me since. I got some work done on a logo for a company that a friend of mine at work is making and I'm pretty happy with how it came out. I also made Kameele's Valentine's present yesterday and I'm pretty happy with that too. Right now I'm just writing and relaxing before I go to work out. Sam T. from sent me some more work so I'm going to finish that also. Overall things are okay and I'm doing all right. I'll check in again soon. Later all!


Thursday, February 10, 2011

Kieran 2.0 ...

I'm changing my approach, I'm changing my outlook. I'm not going to talk about it in fear of the all powerful jinx on all things good that are talked about, just trust in me. If things do go right, this post is the first indication. Let it be known that today I have a different outlook on my path to awesomeness. Good night all.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Oh Billeh

So things have been ok so far today. I don't want to say things are going well because it seems to jinx everything if I talk about things being good lol. I actually have some animation for this post tonight! I worked on an animation for Sam T. of It was a small toon with his key character Taco Man and I did all the character animation in the video. Not much else that's worth putting up, but I have been working on some big projects that hopefully will materialize in the future. Well here's the video, I hope you like it and I'll see you all tomorrow!


Sunday, February 6, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Wingus

Well I'm sorry I didn't write last night but I ended up falling asleep pretty early so I'm going to write a short entry now and maybe another tonight. I had a small animation project that I finished last night and I think it came out looking pretty good. I sent it in and it should be online tomorrow. I'll link it to my blog so you can all see. I'm about to head to my sister's to help her move to her new place. After that, back to Philly. Well I'll see you tonight, have fun tonight watching the Superbowl and have fun AT the superbowl Rose!!!


Friday, February 4, 2011

Kieran 2.0: One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

Sorry about the lack of blog lately, I had a lot of work come up that was keeping me a bit busy as of late. Also I got rid of the numbers because I don't feel like it anymore. I was supposed to be doing this everyday until I change my life for the better and to be honest, I thought I was close this week. I applied for a new job which ultimately turned me down after it seemed like I was a definite hire. The part that infuriates me is the last guy they had lied outright on his resume. The reason I wasn't hired...not enough experience. This makes me want to laugh so damn hard. It's no wonder I have no experience, I can't find a damn job! How is anyone supposed to gain experience if no one will hire you in the first place?

I feel like I've been hearing this all the time since I graduated. If I knew how useless my Bachelor's degree would be I would have just saved the 100,000+ dollars and bought a roll of Charmin. Because that's all my degree has been good for so far is wiping my ass with. It makes me so angry that I did my best in everything only to be nowhere years later. This country is so ass backwards sometimes, society punishes the smart and skilled and elevates the idiot to godlike status! I went to school for 4 years, eared a degree and even created some awesome art and cartoons. am I in any way rewarded for my hard work? No, instead I bust my ass for an award that ends up won by a cheater who copied his demo reel. If I had known that would get me best portfolio I would have traced Bugs Bunny and called it a year. Thanks Tim and Dana for ripping me up, I'll bet you felt so silly when your golden boy was exposed as a cheater! Thankfully people started questioning your judgement or else you may have gone on to ruin more students love for art.

Oh yeah and today I found out that i'll most likely not be receiving any commission at my job from here on out. They introduced an "exciting new commission structure" today! Pretty much I have to make the kiosk a certain amount per hour based on my goal and hours worked. If I make 50% of my goal, I get 5% of the sales! Now while this does give me the opportunity to make a lot, I have to sell a lot more to even equal the old commission. It used to be when I sold a package I would get 7-10% depending on the price. The commission was anywhere between 14 to 75 dollars. Now I have to sell about 800 dollars in order to get about 40 dollars. Now 800 dollars in sales isn't impossible, in fact I made about 1500 at the other kiosk. The only thing is I only work at the other kiosk one day a week and that goal is a lot more. The main kiosk I work at is at the bottom three in the entire country...out of about 180 kiosks. If I don;t make 800 in sales I get zilch on my commissions. Last month the kiosk made 808 in sales. That was between two people and neither was myself. Not to mention the goal was 9000. So seeing as my hours were cut by about 12 and the fact that our commission structure changed, I'm going to be making nothing. This new commission structure really just says to me, "We just don't want to pay you." The only reason that corporate keeps calling it "exciting" is because they get to line their pockets with the money that I used to be earning. It's supposed to make me want to sell more, but at my kiosk, where it's normal to see no more than forty people in 11 hours, it just makes me want to op people from buying it seeing as I most likely won't see any of the money I'm supposed to be earning.

The greedy idiots at corporate have no idea how actual people think. Nobody wants to spend 500+ dollars on software, even with a guarantee, even with a payment plan. Maybe they don't know this but 500 is a kinda high number. I barely make that in two weeks and they expect someone like me to part with it to learn a language. It'll enrich my life they say, so will food and 500 dollars can buy a lot of that. And even on a payment plan 500 is still 500, just not at once. It's funny because all corporate seems to be good at is blaming people for their screw-ups. They opened up the kiosk I work at, even though all the workers told them it wasn't a good idea because that part doesn't get a lot of people in it. They blame my co-workers and I for not selling enough but to be honest they should blame themselves for making a product that doesn't seem worth it in the eyes of customers. First off you can only put it on one computer so if you have a laptop and desktop you better pick one. Second the software is outrageously expensive, and even they know it because they're constantly putting it on sale and offering promos. And lastly the software is BORING! I can't honestly do it sometimes because it seems like time goes slower when I'm on it than if I'm just staring into space. But then again, it is easier to say that I'm not selling it hard enough because isn't it always easier to blame the pawn than admit you fucked up?

I'm tired and I have so swallow more bullshit in the morning. Goodnight.