Thursday, February 24, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Day X

I'm trying everything in my power to prolong tomorrow from happening and all that I'm doing is making sure I'm good and tired when it comes. I find myself waking up everyday on the verge of tears at where my life is and with no idea how to change it. I feel completely unsatisfied with almost everything in my life and I find myself becoming this cynical angry person that I don't know or like. I hate people I've never met and I automatically assume everyone I encounter whether it be at work, on the street or on Septa, hates me or is going to attack me at some point. It may be paranoid but after the last 5 months riding that fucking bus and train day in day out with little sleep in between and encountering the scum I do on a daily basis you'd be paranoid too. I haven't changed shit and I've fallen behind on my workouts. I haven't even been blogging everyday like I said. I'm so fucking lazy that I can't sit on my ass and write something for a half an hour.

I'm not doing enough, I'm not working on what matters enough. I bust my fucking ass at this shit job and I neglect what I went to school for. I hope to god that going back to school works out but I have little choice because it's either go back to school or default my loans. I get about 800 a month at my job which isn't even enough to pay everything and buy food, but according to RosettaStone corporate I can afford my bills and the software with he payment plan. At least that's the bullshit line they fed me when I told them I agreed with pretty much any rational thinking person who came by the kiosk. I guess nobody told them there's a recession or something.

I'm not going to do anything crazy, I've just been in a funk lately. This routine is driving me insane and I really need a change. I can't stay at RS much longer. I'm sick of saying that I "may not be there much longer" only for each month to pass and still be there.I know it's a job and some people don't even have that, but it doesn't mean I have to be satisfied with it. I am thankful I have some money coming in even if it isn't enough, but I'm not meant to be here. I need to do more.


Jess Rambo said...

I definitely feel like I'm in the same boat as you. I'm doing good at everything except losing the weight. I'm getting lazy with it. I feel like shit about myself sometimes because of it. If you ever need to rant, let me know. We got a lot in common, especially in regards to our thinking process it seems. Keep your head up. Good things never come over night. : fist pound : I believe in you.

Kieran Michael Fallon said...

Thanks Jess you're an awesome person!