Monday, January 24, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Day 24 (system reboot)

Yeah first off I really want to say sorry for not blogging on forever. I have no real excuse, I had some things to do but nothing overly important. I just don't really know what as wrong honestly. I don't really feel like myself today. I woke up really late today to start. I've been trying to wake up early to work out but it hasn't worked out. I have been trying to keep active but I always feel so damn tired. I'm stressing a lot more lately also. I was very optimistic earlier on, things were going smoothly, my drawing skills were improving and I was happier than I have been for a while but today just seemed different.

I checked my schedule today for the week and my hours were cut like last week. I was told this is only temporary because of the new hires but I feel nervous anyway about it. I'm hoping I can save the money to get to go to Ireland this year but it's been tight lately. I haven't seen any family there in many years. To be honest, it'll be like meeting them all for the first time again it's been so long. I just hope it happens.

When I started this blog the goals I set seemed hard to obtain but within reach and I was confident I could do it. Now I wonder if I'll ever find a good job. I wonder about where I'll be and it's never optimistic. I need to think more positively I know, but I'm usually a very positive guy and it's hard when faced with so much debt, a shaky financial status, and a dead end job. I want a lot more and I need a lot more, but I wonder I'll ever achieve it.

Today I sat down to draw and it felt like a chore. I love drawing, I do it all the time but I feel like I have no energy sometimes. I sat for hours trying to draw and came up with only two drawings that I felt good about. I hate that feeling because it's how I felt in Ai, trying to push myself to create something great but all that comes out is shit. I just don;t know today. I'm off to work tomorrow, and after that to Fico's place so I'll have more tomorrow. For now I'm going to relax and have a bite to eat. Sorry about the negativity tonight but I needed to vent. Good night.



StarDotJPG said...

You can do it, man. When you don't even feel like doing something you typically enjoy, it's usually just the stress. But you'll get through it. Better days lay ahead.

ivriem said...

Stop wondering and just know. You have an excellent personality, from what I know of you, and I think that if you can dream - you can do it. Unfortunately, art is a scary path to have picked, but if others can do it, who says you can't? You have so much talent and potential. Keep dreaming and keep trying!