Monday, January 3, 2011

Kieran 2.0: Day 3 Initializing

Today went pretty well. I started the day feeling pretty shitty and I had this ridiculously edgy blog to write. It was full to the brim with gripes which was pretty much me being a whiny bitch about having to work a double. Today wasn’t anywhere near as long as I thought it was going to be, and I got visited by my sister and mom so that was pretty sweet. Even more awesome, they brought me clam Chowder from Legal Seafood. This whole day got me thinking about the way I’m going about the blog.

I never intended this blog to be me bitching for eight paragraphs about how much things suck at the moment. This was meant to be a therapeutic device for me to let off some steam and force me to stick to my goals. I’m using this blog the way an angry kid uses Xanga (yeah remember that?). I want this blog to be about change and achieving goals. I want it to be about victory and not highlight my defeats. I am trying to overcome a huge barrier in my life and I need to complain once in a while to put things in perspective. I promise this won’t be just a “today I’m pissed” blog, it will be a “today I was awesome” blog.

I didn’t have my iPod today on the bus so I think that’s one of the reasons I was so grumpy today. I usually have Rush to start my day with some groove but today I only had the loud bus riders who thing they’re completely hilarious so they make sure they tell their jokes so all the bus can hear. News flash buddy, you’re not funny, that’s why nobody laughed so you can stop repeating the same lame joke, we get it, it’s just not funny.

Back to what I was saying, this day made me think that I need to get a grip on what’s bothering me rather than just acknowledge it and make it the main subject. Things really aren’t always as important as we make them out to be, and sometimes the things we get angry about aren’t why we’re angry. I thought I was angry because I was working a double today, which is 11 hours. I let it consume my entire morning and I couldn’t think anything else. I went into work pissed off and I worte all my thoughts down. Looking back, I can’t believe I let a shift get to me so much. I was fuming, writing things that in hindsight seem so stupid. I just want to have a career rather than another job. A job is something that isn’t fun, it’s a chore. A career is a life choice, and I want one.

After today I know things will eventually change. I can’t stay unsatisfied forever. Honestly I was beating myself up all morning thinking I was a loser with a shitty job but to be honest I would be more of a loser if I was completely satisfied and didn’t ever want anything more. Losers accept losing, and even winners lose some of the time or even all of the time. Stone Cold Steve Austin had to be Stunning Steve at one point. Most people would have been completely fine where he was. He was a superstar in the WCW, he had a successful tag team, but he wasn’t all the way where he wanted to be. He fought and worked harder than anyone and became an icon in the world of Pro Wrestling. He did everything he ever wanted to do and it was all because he believed in himself and he worked for it. I’m no superstar yet, but I won’t stop until I am one in whatever or wherever I am. Thanks all for reading and I’ll see you all tomorrow.



akajessramsey said...

I defintely found myself using this blog to vent. But I wouldn't beat up yourself too much Kieran. I think that it should be kinda balanced. You know. Half you progress and goals, and the other something you can use to see where your feelings are coming from. We have to change things on the inside and I think you're being a little hard on yourself. Vent and complain if you have to. It's all those frustrations and feeling that we feel stupid about and then never address them. You keep up the good work, and you'll be fine. You're doing really well already! Changes take small steps!

ivriemyhre said...

looking particularly beardy today... keep it up.

and keep up the blogging! truly helping me feel better, day by day. i'm sure you'll help loads of others, too. kameele encouraged me to start blogging 365 as well, and i'm going to begin when i get home from england. the steps you're taking to change your life are really great and you are very brave for doing it. don't give up!