Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Blog of the mornin' to you.

Well I wanted to blog this now while my feelings and thoughts are still fresh. I'm just waking up for work right now in yet another week where I question myself every morning as to how I messed up so bad that I'm such an undesirable worker. I'm trying not to be to negative but I can't help it anymore. I feel like I'm trapped in a shitty dream. I wake up almost everyday fighting the urge to cry at how unhappy I am with the way things are going. I'm not going to do anything crazy, I just feel so unfulfilled. I went to school for 4 years for what seems like nothing. I'm working a job I could have had way before I went to the art institute and I have nowhere else to go to. I need the money and I can't afford to lose the job that's causing me to hate myself.

every day I wake up to go to that fucking mall is a day that I failed yet again. I have so much work to do and not nearly enough time to do it and it's my fault. I wonder if I'll ever get to leave my job or if it'll just fall down around me leaving me unemployed. I'm sorry I just needed to vent. I need a new job because this one isn't even close to cutting it. My last paycheck was so little that it isn't even enough to cover my private loan bill. I'm fucked and this job is draining me. I'm there so much but I'm barely working there. My commute adds an extra 4 hours to my day since it's almost 2 hours each way. I feel like I'm constantly traveling or at that kiosk. I need help, I don't know what to do anymore and I've lost faith in myself. I'm not confident anymore, in my work or in myself. I just want to be happy with myself, I want to pay bills without everyones help. I mean what the fuck did I go to college for?

I'm sorry about this negative early blog but I needed to get somethings off my chest. It's 7:55 and I'm behind schedule. Later everyone.

-Kieran

Screenshot of upcoming animation so it's not such a depressing blog.

2 comments:

G.Terado said...

i know how you feel bro, i, myself, have lost confidence in my work isnt good at all cuz im always second guessing my own work and capabilities but you know what, believe it or not, we're all in this together. and thats why i really wanna do the whole "deadline circle" thing and be on each others' backs about our stuff. i know its cliche but You Got The Touch... You Got The POWEEEEERRRRRRR!!

Kieran Michael Fallon said...

Hahaha! Yeah man, Ku-mi-te! Ku-mi-te!