Well I'm sitting in bed writing in the dark and I just found out I can type without looking lol. It's kinda cool because to be honest I never really tried before. Anyway On with why I'm really here. I'm really glad to see everyone doing this blog thing because I know we all need change, I know how it feels to wake up feeling unsatisfied with everything that is going on. We all have so much talent and the idea that we're wasting away is ridiculous. We can all do this, exactly the way we all did while we were in school. We've pulled through from a lot of seemingly impossible scenarios like portfolio, moving, graduating and even burning our DVDs. We always pull through and in a way we're kinda together in this electronically, I suppose.
So t0day I went in to work like usual but I'm back to wishing away the hours yet again. Instead of wishing away the hours of my shift though, I'm sitting looking at the time I have left to change things. I know I wanted to change within a year, but with this new bill that I gotta pay now, I'm really going to have to do something sooner. I can't defer my private loans or really even get a lower payment and since I made that stupid mistake and wasn't paying enough attention I have no choice but to forbear by tomorrow. This will give me exactly 90 days to find a better job before I really have to start shitting my pants.
I've just had a revelation. I'm in almost the exact same situation as a person I know. This person recently got news about their job that has left them in uncertainty. They're also looking for a new job. I am sitting here freaking out because I can't pay a bill. I'm going to postpone it and look for a different job that can pay the bill. I really think though that this is the Universe's way of saying, "Seriously Kieran, get a better job." I need to stop looking at this as hopeless and impossible and realize that I have the power to fix all my problems. I can get a job that makes enough money to pay for this bill. In fact, I will get a better job, I'm sick of sitting on a damn bus for hours a day only to sit my ass down in a mall I wouldn't even go to on my day off. I'm going to have to really make a lot of sacrifices, and I'm going to have to get serious. This time next year, I'm going to be laughing my ass off at how scared I was on top of my big pile of money. Hopefully money and not soda bottles and chicken McNugget cartons.
I was thinking about how I really wish the Art Institute had a money back Gaurentee. I'd be a lot less stressed. To be honest, I learned a lot at AI, but I also taught myself a majority of the other skills I aquired. Without the teaching of Colin Merlo, I would not be nearly as skilled as I became over time. His teaching on the fundamentals of animation were flawless and extremely intuitive. Whie it seemed like a lot of work when he was assigning it to us, it always went by fast, and I couldn't wait to stake out a table in the 6th floor animation lab.
That being said, I need to get something off my chest about two teachers who eally made an impact on my life. I won't name names but I'll just say that they were my portfolio teachers at the end of school. These two people in question came off as two of the most bitter, rude psuedo-intellectual douches I've ever met in my life. If anyone reading this has them for anything, stay with what you believe in. I sold my soul and my self respect to them for nothing but a stupid piece of paper and a demo reel of "safe" work just so I could graduate. I feared them because for the first time in my life, I was close to finishing a huge goal that I had. I was about to complete college and all I had in my way were two teachers who made it their weekly goal to make me feel like an insignificant loser.
I sat awake every night at my art desk racking my brain for something I could quickly animate and show them in a few days, ONLY to have them sit there and shit all over everything. Any positive feedback came in the form of, "Well this isn't that good, but your color choice is okay." I was told by two people who never did anything but piss of a bunch of twenty-something art students, that my work sucked and I wasn't going to find anything. Oh not to mention they gave the best of portfolio award to a plagerizer. I would say that one of my biggest goals in this is to go back to AI as an alumni guest in Colin Merlo's protfolio class and tell the new students a story of success. I want them to know that I'm going to be something and in a way it's because of them. BEcause I want them to see what I can be, and to remember what they said and realize how wrong they were.
In AI, we were all constantly bombarded by the teachers telling us that we're probably wasting our money and will never find jobs. In fact the first few days of orientation I was told I had a low chance of graduating and an even lower chance of finding a job afterwards. I heard all this but I didn't give a shit because this is what I was meant to do, this is what I have know I wanted to do since I was a kid. I wasn't going to turn my back on my dream. I may be faced with some serious shit right now, but I will never give up on my dream to do what I love. No matter what two "teachers" say about me, no matter what anyone thinks, I will do this. I'm going to be the Superstar that I always knew I could be. Sorry this was a bit of a scatterbrained rant in my blog but it's been bothering me and I never really got over what happened in that class. I honestly came pretty close to giving up for a while because I let their bullshit get to me. Keep with what you want to do, don't let someone take what you love and ruin it ever.
I was going to talk about my priorities but all I have to say about it is that I'm setting an order of operations for my goals so I can achieve them easier. Anyway I'm done, sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading and I'll see you all tomorrow.
-Kieran
Some art for you guys too!
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